I’m a big fan of Brené Brown, and her insightful approach to courage, empathy, and relationships. One of her many analogies is how trust, is like a marble jar. I give you one or two small marbles, then you give me one or two. Over time, some marble jars get full—while some stay fairly empty. Your nearest and dearest likely have full jars, ideally both of your jars are filled.
You Can’t Rush Filling Someone’s Jar
Trust is not something that is built overnight. Even if you meet someone (platonically or romantically) and you instantly click, trust takes time. Avoid the temptation to overshare, or you may walk away getting hurt. The exception might be if you experienced something moving, positive or negative, together. Again, this is rare—and you would still need to build other areas of trust.
Marble Jars Don’t Always Stay Full
Sometimes we have a long-term loved one who we have trusted enough that our marble jar is overflowing, but then they betray our trust. Sometimes this betrayal is intentional, but more often it is unintentional—or downright lazy. When this happens, you have every right to take your time filling their jar back up.
Keep in mind that trust does not have to be universal. You may have one or two friends you share everything with, and a friend or two you discuss specific things with. For example, you may have a colleague at work who you share work-related stressors with, but not a lot of personal items with. How you fill the marble jar is up to you!