Counseling can help to improve communication, work through relationship challenges, and maybe even save your relationship. However, there are a few times you should choose not to go to couple’s counseling.
If The Relationship Is Dangerous
If your partner is physically abusive, controlling, verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, has extreme anger issues, or you are stuck in an unhealthy pattern that is dangerous in any way to you or your kids—regaining safety and security should be your priority. It will take time for someone to overcome these behaviors and it is not your job to try to change or fix them, even if you love them.
If One Or Both Of You Are Done
If one or both of you know it’s done solo counseling is likely the better option. There are a few exceptions to this rule, for example, if you have kids and want to talk through how to make the transition from coupled to coparents.
If You Aren’t Ready To Do The Work
It is not uncommon for one or both partners to enter couple’s counseling with an “I’m right they’re wrong” mentality, but the truth is—you both have some work to do. Relationships take two so you need to be able to own where you can do better, even if it’s in the fact that your lack of boundaries led to unhealthy patterns.
If you are still in love and are ready to do the work, counseling may be right for you and your partner.